Authentic Communication

How to establish effective and authentic communication? A reflection from a leadership training was that we were talking about communication and really getting into it, because you can go through the theory of communication, but it’s only when you do it that you realize how badly that you’re doing it.

And so, when I actually did an exercise with the people about firing really challenging statements at them, they found it really difficult to acknowledge what was going on for the other person, to ask really good questions, to seek to understand, not jump to judgment, and all the things that we know is good communication, but when I put the pressure on them they found it really hard.

And so, we were talking about how we have our thoughts, then we have  feelings, and how do we really connect with people? And I said, look, you have got the thinking, you know, like technically you’ve said whatever you’ve said and so I’m going to say, “Look, what you said was this and I’m hearing you.” But then I can actually acknowledge your feelings about what’s going on from your feeling kind of perspective. And then I just said, but also there’s a message that you send to people through your energy, and some laughed about this and I said I know it sounds “woowoo-ish” and all spiritual, but I said, I said think about it.

I said, have you ever gone into work and the atmosphere has just been like “Whoa!” You just know something’s gone down there? And they agreed – yeah, when that happened, when that happened. I said what was it that people were doing? They were like, well, they really were doing the same thing but you could just sense it and I was like, cool. I said, could you sense it, you know, when you’re going to a party, for instance, and there’s an amazing atmosphere and you walk in the room and you just get that sense of that fantastic atmosphere and the energy in the room. They’re like, yeah, get that, and I said, equally, you go to some parties sometimes and it’s not energetically like that and you’re like oh, this is awkward. And they’re like yeah, I get that.

And I said, so, me saying about the energy that you send to another person in your communication, then, isn’t suddenly all woo-ish because you’re acknowledging that it happens. They were like, yeah, I get it. And then I did an exercise with someone. And so I did a demonstration with someone about acknowledging what someone was saying. And so I did good acknowledgment.

I technically said “Hey, look, what I’m hearing you say is this and this and this, is that right? And the other person said “Yeah, and I said, technically guys, how good was that acknowledgment? They said yeah, that was good, that was perfect. And I said okay, now watch it. And what I did is I tapped into my heart space and I connected with this person, just in a different way.

I got into the mindset that I really wanted to send an energy to the person and I said exactly the same, just with sending that energy to the man everyone went, “Wow.” They could see the difference, and I said, technically, in my body language, in my…Did I do anything differently? And they were like, “No.” And I said, but what was the impact on the other person? And they said, like, amazing. And the other guy who, these people are all kind of like accountants and lawyers, and I said to the guy, I said, where did you feel it? What happened for you? He said, “When you spoke,” he said, “I felt it here. “I truly felt the message and I felt so special. “And I think all of us has an unclear family member in our life or someone who literally, when they say hello to us, we literally feel them giving us a massive cuddle. They’re the people who are very natural at it, and what we need to realize is that we can do that but it just pays, we need to have an attention to it. We need to kind of tap in and go, I really want you to know that I get you. I really understand you. I’m really hearing you. I’m really feeling you. And you need to tap into that heart space. If you don’t, it’s kind of superficial and it’s not as connecting as what it could be or as powerful as it could be.

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