(YOU are your biggest problem)
This is going to be one of my mindset tips and I know that you’re going to get sick of me on this but once you’ve mastered this, you’ve got it sorted. If you’ve got a difficult situation or a problem that you’re dealing with, and in the back of your mind you’ve got these thoughts of annoyance about other people, and if you’re thinking in your mind “oh my God this person is just not listening”, if you’re blaming others and if you’re taking on negative energy because you feel people are attacking you or are out to kind of hurt you, then I just want to say, that you are the problem.
Because as soon as you look at someone else being the problem, as soon as you look at someone else being crazy, stupid, or evil for not seeing things the way that you see them, then the problem is with you. Because the thing is, you can be stuck on those negative feelings and emotions but nothing ever comes of that. What we need to do is just flip your thinking. And I know people talk about this but this is a really practical tool to do that.
Get a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle, write down all your negativity, everything you possibly can want, just make it feel like therapy. And what you’ll find is eventually you do run out of steam, hopefully before the whole notebook’s finished. And then just sit there. You’ll actually feel kind of a whole lot better for getting it all out, because there’s probably a lot of built-up emotion within that. Once you’ve done that grab a drink, and then sit there and start on the other side, start to reframe everything you put on that side.
For instance, if you’ve something like, “my business partner or my manager at work just doesn’t listen to me”, then write it in the positive where you can take control of that. Rewrite on the other side, for instance, “I’m not communicating my needs clearly enough”. And if you write something down like, “This person is out to get me, this person intended to kind of hurt me”, write on the other side that maybe they didn’t mean to hurt me, but they don’t realize the impact of their actions.
When you start to write those things down you can see that there’s a simple action that comes from that, and the action would be, hey okay when I go into work tomorrow with my manager, I’m going to focus on being clearer and acknowledge what they’re saying to me and make sure that they understand. With the person who I think is out to blame me, I can just ask clarifying questions and say hey, to me it felt like you were trying to hurt me the other day, because that was what the impact was on me, but I want to clarify was that actually your intention. And just clear it up, yes or no. Because you’ll be amazed that when you get asked those questions and take those actions you get the clarity that you really need, and then from that clarity then you start to take progressive steps forward.
Getting stuck in negativity and that vortex going around, it doesn’t serve anyone and it doesn’t serve you. Flip your thinking, so maybe you’re 100% responsible from this, what is the positive kind of, you look like a look into the situation, then it leads to an action, then that leads to an improved result which is progression which is to achieve the things that you really want.