Pain and suffering are identified as two separate things. And what I say to people is that to become stuck is inevitable, but to stay stuck is a choice.
The pain of suffering is actually in our minds better than actually confronting the real problem but it’s actually a fear that’s running that and it’s not real. And what I say is, FEAR is a False Expectation Appearing Real. And in actual fact, if you go closer to the pain, which seems insurmountable to you sometimes and you actually find that it’s not actually as scary as what it actually feels. Suffering is actually a coping mechanism. Because it’s far easier to moan about something than actually do the work and do something about it.
How about doing the work and how to resolve the problem? It sounds like step one is to realize there’s a problem, and you can’t avoid it anymore.
Absolutely! If you’re feeling, if you’re feeling frustrated, if you’re feeling frustrated, angry, if you’re feeling drained, if you’re not feeling motivated – these kinds of emotions, it’s everyone’s right and opportunity to feel energized, pumped, and feel like you’ve got meaning joy and purpose in your life every single day. We can be there. And if you’re not there, then what do we need to do to get there? But the first step is to get the clarity that that’s where I want to be, this is where I’m at, therefore, what do I need to do about it to get me there?
And how hard is it to actually do the work? Because like I said, you move towards a pain, and then you realize, “actually, this wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.” For someone who decided today, “yeah, I need to make some changes in my life”, what does that look like? Are they going to be able to feel better tomorrow? What sort of expectations should we set for ourselves in terms of being able to resolve things and move past that transition towards something that we’re actually seeking out?
I think in actual fact, almost the worse the situation, the quicker often the flip can occur. Because when we’re in crisis, as soon as you back off from the crisis, and you step back, a step is that “oh my God, that’s so much better.” You feel the difference. When things are suddenly not right, then that can sometimes take a little bit longer. And the first focus for me is really three steps:
- The first thing is there’s only one common factor in every problem you’ve ever had in your life and every success you’ve ever had in your life. And that’s YOU. So that’s stop and actually focus on knowing who you are, what you stand for, doing some diagnosis/diagnostics on yourself to understand what’s going on there. Just doing that can sometimes go on, you know, just doing them and watching the explanatory videos, that can be the Aha! Moment. The thing is that we get anxious. When there’s grayness when we can’t see where we don’t have clarity, you know, that’s when we put a blindfold on, we feel very vulnerable. So that’s where, by focusing on clarity, for self first, can be the first layer of taking that grayness and bringing a bit of clarity about it.
- And then the next thing is to go from life to write up from self to life. Where am I at with the areas of my life important? Where do I want to be? What do I need to do to bring these back on course. And so a lot of the time the relief comes not from when we achieve the outcome but when we realize there’s a path to achieving it. And within that period of time, when we do that understanding self and identify what the hidden obstacles are, and we focus on them, that’s where the relief comes, because I are finally it’s not me, you know, where one client said, are that I really struggle with fear and confidence. And everyone else in our world, we’ve all struggled with that. And we’ve actually got training on that. And he was like, “What I didn’t realize that was a real thing.” And it’s actually a real hidden obstacle for lots of us, it really does hold us back. So let’s unpack it, let’s do something about it. These are the actions that you need to take and relief comes immediately. And that’s why I say to people as well to book a holiday for the future for 12 weeks from now. Because you’ll start to realize the benefits of it. Because you know that you’re going on holiday and don’t book it last minute, because you don’t get all the 12 weeks of benefit of knowing you’ve got the holidays. So it’s a matter of knowing that you’ve got a plan to move you forward, it gives you that kind of relief.
- And then the third thing of the strategic nature is right, and particularly if it’s work related, how does career fit in life for me on my terms with regards to the lifestyle that I want? And this is how I even do business strategy. Who are you? What do you stand for? What’s important to you? What’s your meaning? What’s your purpose? What lifestyle do you want? Then thirdly, how does your career fit within that? To give you meaning, purpose and joy? And then from there on in? It’s about what are the skills, tools and tactics that you need to be successful in that space?
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